My Plea to Mercury

Sometimes I feel very much alone. I have a hard time opening up to people, and relating to them. I often suspect that I might be slightly autistic. I have a hard time getting grounded, and sometimes tend to act awkwardly in social situations. It's not that I'm always introverted. Sometimes I get too comfortable and start acting quite eccentric, leading to some embarrassing moments. Because of this, I tend to be self-conscious and reflective about the impressions I make on others. It's always been hard for me to make close connections with people. I've met many wonderful people here in Portland, many of whom I talk to regularly, but none of whom I feel close enough with to truly consider them friends. I left my friends in California behind as I was starting to sense social bonds deteriorating. I still stay in contact with one of my old friends, but our conversations are few and far between. I sometimes look around at the close social bonds others have, and feel jealous. I feel afloat in a vast sea while others around me are safely anchored into their respective harbors. O Mercury, plug me into the collective consciousness! Bring forth supportive connections and meaningful experiences That I may be a participant in this world Rather than an observer